A Gushy, Necessary Love Letter

Happy Birthday Bill!

Trigger alert  - You’re about to be regaled with a corny love story, so here goes:

Picture it: Me, circa 1969 at age 5, cruising with my mother in her station wagon as we did errands, always with the AM radio playing. Sixties music was largely insipid to me, EXCEPT when that fabulous Fifth Dimension song came on about a woman singing her undying love for “Billllll, I Love you So, I Always Will…”  Marilyn McCoo was magnificent: her smooth, angelic contralto soaring on currents of joyful crescendos that were impressively upbeat, given that she was beseeching her intended to follow through, already!

I adored ‘Wedding Bell Blues’ from the first note; the song lifted my spirits, perhaps, in part, because it was empowering to hear a woman ask for what she wants. Which begged the question of my young mind: what do I want someday…perhaps a man to love as ardently? Sure. And wouldn’t it be cooler than cool if he were named Bill! A kid’s heady daydream, which I soon lost sight of as I got on with the business of growing up. Even though I would stop in my tracks whenever the radio surprised me with “Wedding Bell Blues” over the decades, the 45-year-old daydream settled to the back of my mind.

And that’s where it stayed…even after my first date with a certain handsome fellow in 2012. Our initial meeting over coffee turned out to be a match, alright. There was never a doubt. I don’t know if me hearing the song about Bill all those years ago was destiny’s adorable way of dropping a hint, but I love the fact that it worked out the way it did. I found a Bill of my own – and since that fateful Wednesday morning on January 11^th, I haven’t lived one day not loving him only…

Like most embryonic couples, the first blush of love that uplifts, and even intoxicates landed strongly. But by the time Bill and I met, we were 50-somethings. I knew it was a wonderful stage, but by definition, a rose-colored initiation.

What’s been far more meaningful in our 12+ years together are the little things, as well as the one massively important big element: Bill’s deeply embedded character.  I love that he still walks through the door with flowers and is always scouring the internet for jewelry encrusted with my birthstone, but it’s the intangibles he offers that really matter.

Before free-falling into the world of online dating, and because of my riper age,  I discerned carefully the qualities in a prospective partner that were immutable; if I didn’t see any clear and present signs of them, it would be a hard no – no matter how overriding the charm.

The qualities ranged from the simple to the serious, starting with No 1: a man who loves and respects women. Some world-weary ladies will confide, when pressed, this appears to be as easy to find as a hen’s tooth in this day and age, and during my searching days, I found this to be true. But such men are out there, if you persist and don’t dismiss the red flags.  Other items on my list: he must value and practice the Golden Rule in a general sense; be engaged in a career he finds fulfilling, and a few other things that align with what matters to me at the core.

The love life escapades of my past consisted of a blend of isolation and grasping at straws out of desperation. I’d get into situations or relationships that just weren’t what they should have been: harmonious, fulfilling, and honest. That cost me precious time and energy. As is often the Universe’s custom, when I was worn to a shred from discouragement and tabled the idea of trying to find love, it eventually found me. But not before I focused on the wounding that led me down such unhappy roads. I detail this here in past Substack posts, on my website, and in my book, “The Untended Soul.” Suffice it to say, there was work to do, and I encourage everyone who, in their heart of hearts, knows they need to do it…to please DO it. Because, while I can’t guarantee you’ll find your prince or princess, I can unequivocally vouch for the fact that living a life with all that cloying debris cleared away yields glorious rebirth.

So, with the backstory out of the way, it’s a little more clear to see why Bill means the world to me, and why I surreptitiously thank God for connecting us. And because his birthday is upon us and he deserves to be honored today and everyday, here are a few more examples for which I applaud Bill:

• Bill took parenting as seriously as a uniformed security guard takes watching over the jewels at Tiffany’s. That’s not to suggest he was militaristic and hovering (quite the opposite) but he never went off duty as a protector, provider, defender, and being an excellent, non-judgmental listener.

• He possesses unmatchable kindness and a caring heart. Only a few months after we began dating, my father (who’d been living with Alzheimer’s for more than a decade) went into sharp decline. Bill never left my side when my family and I kept a days-long vigil at my father’s bedside. Bill took time off from work, ordered pizzas delivered every night, and even tearfully thanked my slumbering father for helping to bring me into the world. Bill was there with us the moment my father crossed over - my rock during a draining and challenging time.  

• Bill is good to my family and friends – cooking birthday dinners, hosting guests for adventurous weekends, and always being an infallible listener and giver of wise counsel.

• He loves any and all animals and showers them with concern - right down to the squirrels in our yard, fretting when we’re low on our peanut supply.

• Bill can’t stand to see another suffer. A decade ago (still early on for us) when a close friend of mine was in a serious health crisis and had no family nearby, Bill invited him to move into a spare bedroom in our home and proceeded to be the most amazing hospice nurse ever. For four months, he cooked our friend’s favorite foods, watched movies together, reminisced about the 70’s, and in general, provided this friend (whom Bill grew to love like a brother) with a deep sense of emotional security he never would have experienced otherwise in his final days. He passed away in our home – surrounded by loving care, thanks to Bill.

• And perhaps most significantly: the past five years have seen me through some unexpected health challenges and infirmities which have added up to me not exactly being or looking like the sparkling, fit blonde I was the day Bill and I met. The downsides include weight-gain, personality change, and a lot of up and down (mostly down) emotions. Given my history with weight-related cruelties, I naturally waited for the other shoe to drop with Bill, but it never did. Today, he shows more compassion toward me than ever, and his love hasn’t wavered. I guess this shouldn’t be a celebrated accolade – I’m buying into size bigotry to an extent just by patting him on the back - but society is what it is, and the shadow of my wounds looms from time to time. This not-so-little attribute of his is the most valuable and telling window into his moral fabric.

So, as he celebrates another trip around the sun today, is it any wonder I look at Bill and see the passion eyes of May?

Happy Birthday Bill…I Love You So, I Always Will.